Assume Good Intent: A BBC Dialogue

Assume Good Intent: A BBC Dialogue

I hope you and yours are staying well and relatively cheerful through this holiday season. Our family experienced a seismic shock last week and I’m feeling quite rattled. More on that below…

This dreadful year has made me more thankful than ever for a wee bit of humor. People like Janey Godley, who can make us laugh through our despair and tears, deserve a medal. I’d love to nominate her for a Covid Humanitarian Award, for bringing a smile to our faces and a belly laugh to our bodies when we needed it most. 

Last night, my sadness was more local. I took a walk through the neighborhood and it was deeply unsettling. Here in California we’re under a new, stricter Covid shutdown that lasts through January 4th: no travel, no eating out, no large family gatherings. You know the drill! As I explored the empty streets, it seemed like we were back in March, except that now it feels much, much worse. The streets have a trickle of traffic, the restaurants are deserted, and shoppers few and far between. How are these small businesses going to survive? I worry about the laid off waitresses, shop assistants and support staff going through another round of layoffs. The holiday lights and “cheerful” Christmas music pulsing through an open-air mall felt, well… rather pathetic. I shivered, as I passed shiny-new outside eating areas, and parklets with tall plastic canopies. Rapidly erected for Covid-compliant dining, they now lie neglected, like abandoned relics of a bygone age. 

Although there is light at the end of the tunnel, in the form of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, I fear they won’t stop this rising death-toll overnight, and the rollout will be painfully slow. And perhaps too slow for me to make it back to Britain on time…

Last weekend my 88 year-old mother took a turn for the worse. When we spoke on Sunday, I didn’t recognize her. Something has shifted in her brain: she was agitated and impatient. She talked nonstop and wouldn’t let me get a word in. After the call, my first instinct was to jump on the next flight back to London to be at her side, but I know that’s foolish…and dangerous. I feel a million miles from her, cut-off and helpless, just like it felt in March, when she ended up in hospital with a broken pelvis. The distance makes me feel impotent and even more furious at Trump. Not only did he mishandle the Federal pandemic response, it turns out he refused an offer to buy more of the Pfizer vaccine, earlier this year, which puts America at the end of the line for the second batch of the vaccine. 

But instead of ruminating, I force myself to remember my mother’s regular advice when things get hard: 

You know you’ve just got to get on with it!

So, in that spirit, let’s get on with it. Here are highlights from my latest appearance on the BBC World Service. I’ve chosen to feature a lighthearted discussion with the BBC’s Jamie Robertson. We explored Covid etiquette and what the Scottish government is doing to keep everyone not just safe, but civil during the next few months. 

You’ll meet two women I admire more than ever this year: Scotland’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, whose steady leadership and regular Covid briefings have shown world leaders how to be strong, principled and keep a good sense of humor. The second is writer and comedian Janey Godley whose regular voice-overs of Nicola has kept our family chuckling through some of the darkest days of the pandemic. If you haven’t discovered Janey Godley’s Twitter feed or YT channel, get on it, today! 

Nicola Janey Twitter

In this excerpt, you’ll also hear about the mantra I’m trying to follow this festive season: Assume good intent! 

In today’s world of high anxiety, it’s more relevant than ever…

Also, for the politicos listening, you’ll find a wee politics extra at the end of this podcast. During my BBC appearance, I talked about the incredible hypocrisy of the Trump administration. You might be thinking: There are loads of issues to choose from! You’ll soon find out what specific hypocrisy I’m referring to this week.

And if you’re wondering if that “Assume good intent” mantra applies to Trump. I’m not there yet, and probably never will be. For me, it doesn’t apply to evil, narcissistic, anti-science, white supremacist bullies. 

Here’s a link to the BBC podcast. The segment on Scottish etiquette starts @43:30

And the shorter Fresh Dialogues podcast: 

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Here’s a transcript of our conversation, edited for length and clarity:

Jamie Robertson: If you didn’t have enough to worry about with Covid and climate change and everything else, let me suggest you agonize a while over the etiquette of dealing with the coronavirus. Fortunately the Scottish government, Alison you’ll be glad to hear, has released a handy guide on how to react politely to anybody not keeping their distance.
One of the criticisms is that they’re treating people like toddlers…

Etiquette expert, Willian Hanson: This year, we’ve seen elbow touches, foot touches, but I think the nicest way is Namaste: two hands, it gives a focus to your hands…putting your hands together, thumbs resting on your heart chakra is a nice reminder that we’re not shaking hands, we shouldn’t be shaking hands.
Jamie Robertson: So, Alison what do you think of the Scottish government’s advice?

Alison van Diggelen: I think: good on them! I think using a little bit of humor is a good way to go. I’ve been following Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon’s announcements and some of Janey Godley’s spoofs. Nicola Sturgeon has embraced that and retweeted them. However you can get the message out: we need to social distance, wear masks etc.

I like that advice to “assume good intent.” That’s something I’ve heard a lot in Silicon Valley tech circles. A colleague of mine says that mantra has changed her life: instead of over-reacting to someone being abrupt. When someone says “give me space” or “stand back,” instead of condemning them, think: they’re trying to protect me, or protect themselves.

Jamie Robertson: The point is really interesting: what the Scottish government is interested in, is not making people polite to each other, but getting people talking about it, and that heightens awareness.

Alison van Diggelen: Everyone is at a heightened state of anxiety right now, so some of these reactions are a mass overreaction, and if people think about it, we really have to change the way we do things.

Jamie Robertson: Have you seen people losing their temper?

Alison van Diggelen: I’ve heard of shop assistants getting into heated debates or even getting physical with customers because, unfortunately in America we’re getting mixed messages from the government. Unlike in Britain where you have decent leadership, especially in Scotland. Here we’re getting mixed messages that are whipping up these Covid deniers who’re saying: I’m defiantly NOT wearing a mask!
Some city councils are posting signs warning of $100 fines for not wearing masks. Hitting people’s wallets is a smart way to go.

Jamie Robertson: Will the pandemic leave permanent changes to the way we interact? Kissing on the cheek? Shaking hands? When do you think that’ll come back?

Alison van Diggelen: I’ve been doing elbow touches. There will be new etiquette practices that do stay. It’ll probably be many years before we go back to business as usual.

Jamie Robertson: Am I allowed to give you a virtual hug as I say goodbye?

Alison van Diggelen: I think we’re safe with that Jamie…

 

Politics extra

In the first half of the program, we discussed China’s banning of 105 smartphone apps, including the popular TripAdvisor. Jamie Robertson asked me if there’s political football being played through global trade? 

I welcomed the opportunity to underline how ludicrous Trump loyalists are being. Trump’s deluded denial of his losing the election is one thing, but the fact that the majority of elected Republicans, and most of his cabinet, are going along with his repeated attempts to overturn the will of the American people is deeply disturbing. It undermines the democracy of the United States. As the BBC’s Anthony Zurcher says: “Mr Trump’s chances of success in the real world, however, sit squarely at zero.”

The whole saga reminds me of the cautionary tale of The Emperor’s New Clothes. At what point will Trump and his followers see the error of their ways and face the naked truth? 

Here’s what I said on the BBC World Service:

Alison van Diggelen: The hypocrisy of the Secretary of State’s actions in Hong Kong is astounding. He’s sanctioning and criticizing Hong Kong officials for “undermining democracy” while his boss — Donald Trump — is doing the same in the United States by not conceding the election. It boggles the mind.  

Thank you for joining us on Fresh Dialogues. As always we welcome your feedback on FB and Twitter

Here’s hoping that you and yours will have moments of joy this festive season, despite what my friend Shana calls the “chaos and suckage” of 2020. And as we say in Scotland at Hogmanay: Arra best, Arra time!